Blurred Vision

 

The year 2020 is such a good even number.  It rolls off the tongue nicely: twenny-twenny.  It's visually pleasing. I can just imagine all the new year's resolutions and campaigns centered on having 20/20 vision.  It just felt like a beautiful, perfect year to get shit together.  Who would've thought that it would turn out like this?  A freaking global pandemic!  A big nope to all your plans, the universe sends its regards! 

And with all this time spent ruminating, I've been feeling really dissonant.  I feel like I'm at the edge of a pit, looking down at its bottomless, dreary infinite-ness.  It's not appealing at all. This post is not about the bottomless pit, though. This post is about hope, about the stars above if I just choose to look up.

Here's a reminder to myself that it's not all bleak.  

In fact, everything felt right at the start of the year BC (Before Covid), when the coronavirus felt like such an isolated, far-fetched thing only applicable to bat-eating humans.  In the constant effort of getting my life together, I did goal-setting for the year which I don't normally do.  Typically, I'd approach my year with a mantra instead of a goal.  What I envisioned to achieve by Year 3 of my business, I was able to do by February.  Life was great: I ate salad for lunch (lol), chores were done on time, I had time for family, I met up with friends, and had finally eased into a good rhythm in my freelance career. There were growing pains from shifting from a corporate track to a freelance once with no business mentors,  and I was dealing with it and enjoying the journey of discovery. The year started with so much hope and energy to just make things happen.

That same hope and energy was redirected.  I discovered new hobbies and interests— realized I can grow my own food (short-lived haha.. so doing it virtually via Stardew Valley), that I am more obsessed with coffee than ever, and that there's so much more to learn in business and design. In the process of taking things in stride with stalled projects, I even started a few side projects. Notably, I started a food concept business @cuppa.mnl with my brother— a life-long dream, and an inevitability that finally saw the light of day.  

These days, I'm starting to get back into the momentum of the hustle... but with fresh eyes, and a wider, wiser mindset.

It still feels unimaginable to be living this history of quarantine, face masks and face shields. In spite of all the pandemic-induced existential crises, government-triggered anxiety attacks and wallet-numbing double digit sales...  we're still here.  I'm still here.  A bit broke, frustrated and emotionally traumatized... but still here somehow.  

The pit is still dreary and bottomless. 

The stars still shine.

Anyway, some personal life lessons so far:

1. Do not plan out your year.
2. Wear a mask.
3. Introversion has its perks.
4. When in doubt, start a business.