Free Falling

So this was it.

After traversing most of UP Diliman, I finally was able to acquire the nine signatures that I needed. None of these nine signatures were within a 10 meter radius of each other! I walked slowly into the almost-deserted Math building to get the last. I haven't been there for the whole of last sem when it was supposed to be my building. I am a Math major after all. And my god, I didn't know it would affect me at all. It reeked of memories - the UPCAT, first day, first failure and... just a lot of firsts. A few students were in dark corners reviewing for Math removals. Oh, how that felt!

Going in, what I wanted to feel was freedom; but instead I got this sick feeling at the pit of my stomach and I almost did not want to go. I was probably just being melodramatic. But for good reason. I marched towards the Admin Office to ask for the director of our institution. When I got there, it was a display of lights gradually turning off and people leaving. It was 12 noon. Lunch break. I went back down.

I sighed, probably more of relief than exasperation. I was thankful for the lull. This was it, I thought to myself. No turning back. In usual Cars-fashion, my mind was suddenly clouded with doubts. I was having second thoughts -- although truth be told, nothing was absolute. I've always doubted. Getting that last signature was pretty symbolic, I figured. It meant leaving a lifestyle I've known for the past, I don't know, 11 years of my life? At least. It meant leaving behind the quiz bees, the Science Investigatory Projects, the Congresses, my two years of Mathematics. It meant leaving behind who I was in high school. And that scares the shit out of me. It really does. You know how you should not let yourself be defined by school? Well, I guess I have been. I was. It's inevitable, I guess. Some part of me belonged to formulas, and limits, terminal velocity, moments of inertia -- probably most of the geeky terms you'd rather stay away from. I guess some part of me will always be defined by that. Shifting out of Math and into Interior Design, it's like forgetting everything I've ever been taught. There's also that underlying thought that I can shift to Applied Physics instead. It would be so easy, and I'm thinking it may even be the easy way out.

1 PM sharp, I head towards the Admin office again. This time everything is bright, cold white. I tap on the glass window to call the attention of the man behind it. I show him the form, my Permit to Transfer. He gets it and I am shown the way towards the deputy director (the director wasn't there, apparently). I smile secretly once I see this 'deputy director' - the same person I've always been looking around for when I was a little freshman Math Major. Everything really is a cycle in its own time. I get her signature.

I have decided. I'm free falling into a completely different thing, into creativity and art and design. I'm taking a leap of faith here, and I really hope this is the best thing. Really.

My new building!