Over-thinking this, most probably

I've sort of figured out why I suddenly post less frequently. I guess having the lack of inspiration is a sad excuse, because I really have so much to write about. What I've realized is that writing forces me to think about every single detail of every single thought. And I know I do so, quite meticulously even. When writing, all my thoughts are put under the microscope. I can pinpoint each and every feeling, I over-analyze the situation, I psychoanalyze myself. And then everything, without me even knowing, becomes just a tad bit more complicated than how I'd perceive them initially.

I guess now that I've been feeling less depressed, I'm savoring it. A defense mechanism, most probably. What I've decided to do (and probably subconsciously so at first), is to not think anything out of anything. Really. I have restricted my mind - barricaded even - from wandering on to the land of over thinking. This land, I've learned is a very very dangerous place. It opens up all possible roads of conclusion. And more often than not, the end of these roads aren't quite as pretty as how you'd like them to be. It was working quite well, this mental barricade. But I guess it acted more like a dam than an actual stronghold of thoughts. A few notable ones have escaped. And most are already taking over me. This is my weakness, I guess. Just one of many.

“Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn’t the world, it wasn’t the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don’t know, but it’s so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I’ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.”

- Jonathan Safran Foer