Again

You can't really help but to fall in and out of stuff. Out of feelings. Into thoughts. Out of love. Into life. It's a (vicious) cycle sometimes slowing down or speeding up; but, never quite stopping. My natural self-defense mechanism involves escaping, denial and delusion. It has worked, and I welcome how deadpan I can be. Just sometimes, everything catches up. And every fear, or feeling or reason I've ever run away from taps me at the back and punches me in the face. Or in the gut. It is never a pleasant sensation. Ironically, this pushes me further into escaping when all I want is to live life.